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Why are movies so shallow about the whole concept of love? I’ve always wondered why and it bothers me. What is the message being conveyed here? That only physically attractive people can fall in love? That’s just stupid.

Take for example, the classic Bollywood movie ‘Kuch Kuch Hota Hai’. The male lead, Rahul, played by actor Shah Rukh Khan falls in love with the new student in college, Tina, played by Rani Mukherjee. And yeah, I don’t have to include the fact that the new girl is supposedly insanely hot. You know, the girl every guy hankers after. Yeah, whatever.

So anyway, Rahul is best friends with Anjali, played by actress Kajol. Anjali is a tomboy but at some point in the movie she realizes that she is in love with Rahul. Naturally, her clumsy plans to win Rahul’s affections do not succeed and she leaves for another place, heartbroken. Rahul and Tina get married and have a daughter, whom they name -surprise, surprise- Anjali (I’ll refer to her as Anjali Jr or just Jr for the sake of convenience). Tina dies a few years after the birth of her daughter due to some sickness.

A few years later, Anjali Jr. stumbles upon a letter in which Tina explains everything, including how guilty she felt about coming in between Rahul and Anjali’s friendship. So to cut a long story short, Jr makes Rahul and Anjali meet again and this time, Rahul falls in love with Anjali. Anjali, needless to say, is a super gorgeous woman now who is feminine in every sense of the word.

AAAARGHHH. Do you see what I mean now? It’s not to say that Anjali’s personality has changed! It’s merely her physical appearance. If Rahul had really loved her all along too, why did he only just realize it after seeing Anjali with long hair and in pretty clothes?

Strange. I guess this is how the world really works. Everybody is so caught up with looks. Looks, looks, LOOKS. Tsk.

My mum’s an expert on human behavior. Apparently I have a severe attitude problem. Wow. Look who’s talking. I suppose I only learn from the best.

I hate it when people try to treat me like a kid and give me advice (which I most certainly did NOT remember asking for) on how to live my life. If I wanted anyone’s advice, I would ask for it. Otherwise, no thanks, really.

I’m in my friggin’ twenties!!!

“Memories of true love can never be wiped out. Time does not devour memories; it just slowly, painfully, converts them into fragments of a dream. Occasionally, something will spark the soul of the dream, and the dream will resurrect into a memory again.”

-‘To Forget You’, Low Kay Hwa

I think that’s a beautiful quote :’]

Here’s something I stumbled upon on Facebook. It tugged at my heartstrings. I could so relate.

“The hardest part about walking away from someone is when you realize that no matter how slowly you go, that someone will never run after you.”

Sad, but how true it is. It only means neither you nor your stupid friendship ever meant anything to that person in the first place. How awful some people are.

Goodnight.

Love,

The Toothfairy

I’m writing this post as my mother screeches at me through Skype. I don’t know which is worse, being scolded in person or this – through webcam. Maybe this is worse because i just feel like shutting my laptop mid-scream. I’m already feeling down enough, and I don’t have anybody that I could turn to over here. Did she call JUST to make sure that I’d never stop feeling guilty about myself? SERIOUSLY?? I’m pretty sure none of the parenting books I’ve come across have ever said that.

I don’t know where I went wrong. I’ve been the perfect student… heck, I AM the perfect student. My GPA has never been below 3.0, I only get As and Bs, I rarely go out…and yet, one bloody stupid mistake -it wasn’t even my fault- and everybody wants to push the blame to me. Wow. Way to go, Mum. The best way to make your daughter, who is, by the way, millions of miles away from you, feel better is by telling her what a screw-up she is. Great.

I’ve completely lost my appetite, by the way. And can you blame me? My mum thinks I’m a loser. She just said so herself. And she likened me to shit. Lol. Yeah. And us Asian kids, we’re trained to accept all kinds of crap from our parents out of respect. We’re good at that. Keeping mum while threatening to implode on the inside. Implode on the inside. Well, duh.

I did try to get in touch with my best friend just now. I texted him and asked if he was free to talk… because I was in dire need of a listening ear. How stupid of me to think that. He said he was busy. Okay. I didn’t believe that he had chosen to walk out on me completely. I didn’t think he would, and to be honest, I didn’t think he could, either. Maybe I don’t matter to anyone anymore. My problems are officially my own problems. Never mind the fact that when he was in a very similar situation to mine about 2 years ago, I was there for him. I was the ONLY ONE who was there for him, but hey, who’s counting? It’s not like I’m complaining or anything, either. I was there for him because he had come to me, and I had WANTED to do it, too. I’m a good friend, you know. I would never ditch my friends in their hours of need.

I suppose not everyone thinks like me. Or perhaps not everyone finds me as likeable as I think I am. Lol. I just want to go away. Somewhere far, far away.

Love,

The Toothfairy

Yeap… it’s been a long time eh;) I’m a little older and hopefully wiser now so do bear with me as I try to address a topic which has caused me grief ever since I was little (as early as 9 years old).

Love. *cue exasperated sighs and dramatic eye-rolls*

Hahaha I don’t know about you people out there, but I’m already in my early twenties and it’s about time I try to tackle this topic. This is my take on love and crushes and infatuations in general.

Allow me to start with the fact that for as long as I was aware, I had always been an ugly duckling in my family. My eyes were too big for my face, I was too dark, my lower lip was too thick, my hair was too frizzy and my teeth, OH MY TEETH were just too darned big and ugly. I couldn’t even close my mouth properly! I was a walking example of a classic Class II malocclusion case. And that was just my face. My body was another disaster. I was one of those girls who had hit puberty early and thus, my body was slightly different from the rest of my other adorable classmates then. I was a little on the heavy side, too. Did I mention that my legs were extremely hairy? Yeah. Shudder all you want. I went to a co-ed school like that until I was 15, believe it or not. In short, my childhood brings back a thousand painful memories for me now.

There were times when my ‘friends’ would laugh at how ugly I was…or how my body was too developed for my age then. The worst times were when all of us girls would cluster together and talk about our crushes, and I would know deep down that I didn’t stand a single chance with any of my crushes…simple because I was just so ugly. Oh, I tried my very best to get noticed…but they never worked. In retrospect, I cringe thinking of how stupid I was. I thought wearing black t-shirts and loose cargo pants would get me noticed by the boys!

I did, however, have one or two things going for me. I was a bright girl, and studies came very naturally to me. I was also very friendly and had a good sense of humour (p.s. I’m not blowing my own trumpet…LOL), so I was well-liked by both my teachers and my peers. So I did the only thing I could do then: I used my sunny personality (not in a bad way) to get close to my crush. We ended up becoming the best of friends… and yeah, it hurt me to see that he was infatuated with another classmate of mine (she was really pretty) but hey, what other choice did I have? I was only 11 or 12 at the time and I was such an idiot. Used to call him almost every single day. Tsk.

I thought leaving primary school would be a good thing…that starting secondary school at a new place would do me a world of good. But boy oh boy, I couldn’t have been more wrong. I got braces when I was 11, God bless my parents for having sought treatment for me when I was still young. By the time I turned 13, I thought I would’ve had learnt my lesson but no. I fell for yet another jock, whom I then proceeded to do the same thing that I did when I was 11. I tried to get close to him by being my good ol’ bubbly self.

Funnily enough though, there were times when I felt that he liked me back too…but that thought would disappear as fleetingly as it had appeared. He liked me enough, I knew. Heck, the whole class liked me. I was practically the nicest person around!

There was one particular incident that I remember very clearly to this day. Mind you, this happened 8 years ago. We were playing this stupid ‘Secret’ game in class whereby we had to answer some pretty personal questions on a piece of paper. I don’t really remember the details of the game though. Someone asked him to name a girl that he was crushing on in our class but we never got to find out the answer because the bell had already rang, indicating the start of the next class.

Here’s some background info: He and I were classmates, and at that time he was already in a relationship with some girl from another class. He was single when I first met him, though. Lol. His girlfriend never liked me. Probably felt that I was too close a friend to her guy. Whateverrrr. He was my friend (and crush!) first.

Anyway, back to the game. When everyone had left, I looked for his paper because I wanted to know his answer to the question. There were so many pretty girls in my class! I was burning with the need to find out which girl he was crushing on in our class. I finally found his paper…and to my utter shock, he had written my name on the paper! MY NAME. I don’t think I’m able to describe how happy I felt then… but then reality brought me crashing back to earth.

Yeah, sure he liked me. But he didn’t like me enough to like my face, did he? He was a shallow guy, just like all the guys that I ever had the pleasure of coming across then. I knew he thought I was too dark-skinned for him (he was light-skinned) because he sometimes made fun of my colour.

Long story cut short, we continued to be in the same school (but no longer the same class due to different subject combinations) for another 2 years. He never spoke to me properly after we switched classes. I heard from my friends that he went after another girl after his first girlfriend. Bastard.

I had some grand plan that I was going to confess my feelings for him on Prom Night, right before we graduated…but that didn’t work out because I looked downright hideous (too much foundation, too much blusher, too many accessories, too much bling AAARGH) on Prom. I only realized that months later. Yeap.

Going to college didn’t change things much for me, sad to say. I mean, I’d started shaving my legs so that part was settled. But my smile was fixed, though. Haha. I got my braces removed a few weeks after prom. I even got contacts! But…something was still missing. I was still a tad chubby, and nowhere near pretty. I found that out -the painful way- when a guy that I was crushing on told me how fat I looked. Way to go. Needless to say, I was shattered and whatever self-esteem I had at that point was gone. Not that I had much of it to start with, but oh well.

Anyway, I got into an overseas university after that. I had already resigned myself to my fate. I was going to be single and unwanted by guys all over. But that’s when things changed for me. Because what I hadn’t realized about myself was that I had eventually, EVENTUALLY grown into my looks (I had already hit my twenties by then-.-).

Like I told you before, my smile had been fixed by braces. I had lost the geeky specs and replaced them with contacts and I had finally learned how to apply eyeliner. I had even managed to create my trademark eyeliner style, something which drove guys gaga, as I would eventually learn later on. I had grown my hair so that it was long and wavy, and I had definitely lost a few pounds here and there. I was no longer the ugly duckling.

However, everything comes at a price. And realization, let me tell you, can be a very powerful tool indeed. Realization that you can manipulate people… that changes things a lot. And I was a far cry from what I used to be, years ago. I don’t know if what happened to me was a good thing or not. On the one hand, I was happy that my years of crying in front of a mirror, praying for a streak of good luck were over. But where is the cheerful and bubbly girl that used to be me? In her place stands someone bitter and cynical about life and love.

Sometimes I ask myself, is it worth it? Is it worth it to be beautiful? You have to think twice before someone from the opposite sex tries to befriend you. What does the person want from you, exactly? Friendship… or perhaps something more?

To be honest, I’m just downright frustrated with the male population. They fall for my face and don’t bother getting to know me first. Then they think that they can accept me for all my flaws when the truth is, they don’t know nuts about me or the kind of insanity that I’m capable of.

I want some friends who would be true to me, that’s all I’m asking for. Friends who won’t complicate genuine friendships with romance bullcrap. Romance can wait. Like my parents always say, there will come a time for romance. No need to rush.

It’s true. I don’t want to rush headfirst into anything that I’m not ready for… because I don’t want to get my heart broken. I want something stable. Love is about maturity and understanding. Love is what my parents have. What they feel for me, that’s love. They know that I’m not the world’s best daughter… but they love me so much. I want that kind of love.

I believe that someday if I’m lucky enough, I’d get to experience that too.

I apologize if you ended up on this page by mistake. This is just my share of pent-up frustrations. Lol. Enough for now, huh? Goodnight:)

Love,

The Toothfairy

It’s been more than a year since I last wrote here. But here I am again, on 11/11/11. Lol. It was supposed to be a memorable date for me (cliched as it may be) but…oh well. I had an extremely crappy day today. My life officially sucks.

I had an insanely crappy lab session with the lady doctor from HELL. It was even more crappy than normal. Now that’s saying something. I had to re-do my preparation (NOT MY FAULT. ALL HERS.) and she’s holding me back. Damn. But what could I do? As much as I wanted to scream and throw my tray at her ugly face, I couldn’t. I even smiled and said “Thank you ” when she asked me to re-do my work. AAARGHHH.

One of my classmate’s mum is coming down in 2 weeks time to visit her. I felt a sharp pang of jealousy when she said that. I wish my mum would come down to be with me, too. It’s been too long. I feel so lost and alone here. There is nobody here for me. Nobody gives a damn. And knowing that hurts.

On some level, I know that it’s wrong for me to feel this way. Nobody should ever feel alone because God is always there. But then why do I feel this way? I crave for physical intimacy… with friends, family…anyone. I just want to know that someone misses me. That someone loves me.

I’m such a cow. Tsk. My thoughts are so random. Well, blame it on the shitty day I had.

And the final piece of evidence to prove that I’m a total loser? I’m writing this down in my stupid blog instead of talking to someone about it. Because like I said, nobody cares enough to know how i feel.

I really should take a break and go lie down for awhile. Because who knows..? I might never open my eyes again:)

Goodbye people. I’m so shagged. Ugh.

Whoa. Just sat for an exam (5 papers) for 3 friggin’ hours. Ended up with an awful headache after that. Never knew that Dental Materials Science could be so TOUGH. In short, I felt like I went to hell and came back to earth when the exam was over. The papers just kept coming! It felt as if it was never going to end. It did, eventually… after 3 HOURS. >.<

I wonder what it is about this subject that makes it so hard. I think it’s the lack of past-year exam papers… this makes it hard to find out the learning objectives of the subject in question. Stupid lecturers… they don’t realize that past-year questions actually help us learn better. Without those questions, we’d just be reading our notes aimlessly… and end up dozing off.

I really hope that I don’t end up sitting for remedial…I can’t bear to go through that 3-hr torture again! Gosh. Please God, You have to help me on this one.

Let’s all hope for the best yeah?😛

Love,

R (The Tooth Fairy)

Well. I woke up disgustingly late…AGAIN. Ugh. The irony of it. I love sleeping in but I just detest the feeling I get when I realize what time it is. Then I rushed to get ready (even though there were no classes for the day) and quite surprisingly, managed to shower (including boiling water) and have a nice cup of coffee – all within one hour:) Cool huh? Haha. Well, if you were me you’d know that doing all that within an hour is quite a feat.

I went to Simmy’s room after that and had a good gossip session. Lol. I wouldn’t call it gossip, really. I mean, I do need someone to talk to if I were upset with someone or something, right? If I were to keep it all inside me I’d just burst one day! So yeah, we talked and stuff and whoa, I felt so much better at the end of it! We weren’t bitching or anything, we just talking about things that really did happen. Plus giving our opinions about it too. HAHA. Of course opinions were involved…duhhh. We’re very vocal people yo.

Went for a walk after that…it felt so good and refreshing to walk around at that time. The air was cool…the grass was so green and still a little wet from the rain earlier. I felt invigorated by the time we got back to our rooms. Whoa. My face was flushed, I was actually PANTING…and I was feeling happy! Haha.

I really think I should keep going for walks in the afternoon:)

Love,

R (The Tooth Fairy)

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