Operative Dentistry Makes Me Feel Like Dying

It’s been more than a year since I last wrote here. But here I am again, on 11/11/11. Lol. It was supposed to be a memorable date for me (cliched as it may be) but…oh well. I had an extremely crappy day today. My life officially sucks.

I had an insanely crappy lab session with the lady doctor from HELL. It was even more crappy than normal. Now that’s saying something. I had to re-do my preparation (NOT MY FAULT. ALL HERS.) and she’s holding me back. Damn. But what could I do? As much as I wanted to scream and throw my tray at her ugly face, I couldn’t. I even smiled and said “Thank you ” when she asked me to re-do my work. AAARGHHH.

One of my classmate’s mum is coming down in 2 weeks time to visit her. I felt a sharp pang of jealousy when she said that. I wish my mum would come down to be with me, too. It’s been too long. I feel so lost and alone here. There is nobody here for me. Nobody gives a damn. And knowing that hurts.

On some level, I know that it’s wrong for me to feel this way. Nobody should ever feel alone because God is always there. But then why do I feel this way? I crave for physical intimacy… with friends, family…anyone. I just want to know that someone misses me. That someone loves me.

I’m such a cow. Tsk. My thoughts are so random. Well, blame it on the shitty day I had.

And the final piece of evidence to prove that I’m a total loser? I’m writing this down in my stupid blog instead of talking to someone about it. Because like I said, nobody cares enough to know how i feel.

I really should take a break and go lie down for awhile. Because who knows..? I might never open my eyes again:)

Goodbye people. I’m so shagged. Ugh.

Dental DISASTER

Whoa. Just sat for an exam (5 papers) for 3 friggin’ hours. Ended up with an awful headache after that. Never knew that Dental Materials Science could be so TOUGH. In short, I felt like I went to hell and came back to earth when the exam was over. The papers just kept coming! It felt as if it was never going to end. It did, eventually… after 3 HOURS. >.<

I wonder what it is about this subject that makes it so hard. I think it’s the lack of past-year exam papers… this makes it hard to find out the learning objectives of the subject in question. Stupid lecturers… they don’t realize that past-year questions actually help us learn better. Without those questions, we’d just be reading our notes aimlessly… and end up dozing off.

I really hope that I don’t end up sitting for remedial…I can’t bear to go through that 3-hr torture again! Gosh. Please God, You have to help me on this one.

Let’s all hope for the best yeah?

Love,

R (The Tooth Fairy)

That walk was exactly what I needed

Well. I woke up disgustingly late…AGAIN. Ugh. The irony of it. I love sleeping in but I just detest the feeling I get when I realize what time it is. Then I rushed to get ready (even though there were no classes for the day) and quite surprisingly, managed to shower (including boiling water) and have a nice cup of coffee – all within one hour:) Cool huh? Haha. Well, if you were me you’d know that doing all that within an hour is quite a feat.

I went to Simmy’s room after that and had a good gossip session. Lol. I wouldn’t call it gossip, really. I mean, I do need someone to talk to if I were upset with someone or something, right? If I were to keep it all inside me I’d just burst one day! So yeah, we talked and stuff and whoa, I felt so much better at the end of it! We weren’t bitching or anything, we just talking about things that really did happen. Plus giving our opinions about it too. HAHA. Of course opinions were involved…duhhh. We’re very vocal people yo.

Went for a walk after that…it felt so good and refreshing to walk around at that time. The air was cool…the grass was so green and still a little wet from the rain earlier. I felt invigorated by the time we got back to our rooms. Whoa. My face was flushed, I was actually PANTING…and I was feeling happy! Haha.

I really think I should keep going for walks in the afternoon:)

Love,

R (The Tooth Fairy)

Hair Spas Make Your Hair Feel AWESOME :)))

Today, a few friends and I went into town to chill out and unwind after our harrowing Microbiology paper. Haha. The questions themselves were so hard to get… and even more so were the answers. Anyway, I just plowed my way through the paper just because I wanted to finish it as soon as possible. Why drag my misery, right? Lol.

Unsurprisingly, we ended up at a hair salon. It was my first time going for a hair spa. And you wanna know what? Hair spas make your hair smell great! And so SOFT. Whoa. I was really amazed with the results of a simple hair spa. Haha. Plus, it’s not all that pricey, either. Good deal, huh? And I got a bonus massage from the stylist who was doing my hair. Aaaah…he was really good.

All in all, I had a good day today, despite the fact that I was stuck in a hair salon for the most part of the day.

Love,

R (The Tooth Fairy)

April Fool… NOT.

Yesterday was April Fool’s. And yes, sad to say, I got pranked pretty badly. Haha. In retrospect, it was pretty funny…but right then, it wasn’t. It wasn’t funny at all. I wasn’t in the least bit amused. In fact, I hated it. I realized then that I was frigging mad at my so-called best friend (in fact, it was she who declared me as her best friend. Not me. I didn’t say anything).

I couldn’t believe that she (T) would do that to me in front of the whole class. Yeah sure, we’re really good friends and all but COME ON…it was in the midst of exams! I was so stressed with studying that the last thing on my mind was bloody April Fool’s. Damn.

Here’s a thing or two about me that you might like to know:

1. I hate being made to seem/appear stupid.
2. I hate being made to feel ugly.
3. I hate feeling left out or out of the loop.
4. I may forgive…but I can almost NEVER forget. (I’m not very proud of this either. It’s something I’m trying to change about myself)
5. I’m very sensitive, so be careful about what you say to me.

There’s a lot more…but I think this should suffice for now.

I didn’t talk to T or anyone else who was involved in the prank the next day in class. I just couldn’t stand looking at their faces when all I wanted to do was slap them so hard until my hands hurt.

I really wish I would lighten up. It was just a joke, right? But I don’t know. I feel…hurt. Betrayed. And most of all, left out. Left out that they’d all gang up on me and embarrass me in front of everyone.

What kind of best friend does that?

Well, Maybe You Just Don’t Have Time For Me Anymore…

18 March 2010. It’s been about 6 weeks since my return to this horrible place. It’s also been about 6 weeks since my mother started working. I don’t see much of her online anymore. We chat for like, less than an hour each day. It saddens me that I don’t really seem to matter much to her anymore (I don’t know that for sure – I’m just saying)

She’s busy with work, my 2 younger siblings and my dad. None of which has anything to do with me. I remember a time when she used to chat with me online for hours on end…I used to feel so happy that she missed me as much as I missed her. But why the change now?

I’m homesick. Really, truly, homesick. Period. I just don’t feel like studying because I miss talking to my parents and updating them with every small detail of my teenage life. I can’t concentrate! It never used to be like this. I used to have no problems with studying. Not now, though.

Another problem with me: I don’t have any REAL friends here for me. My roommate sucks (she likes to think that she’s singing but really all she does is CROAK), my classmates seem to like hanging around with those who are of the same race (a concept which I can’t stand) and the people I used to like are now starting to get on my nerves. Damn. What the hell is wrong with me?!

I just need someone to tell me that they love me and that I’m special to them. That’s all. Is that too much to ask?

Well, I suppose nobody really has time for me anymore. What a sad life.

Love,

R (The Tooth Fairy)

Change…for the better:)

Today we had our Usrah (religious meeting/discussion) with Kak (Sister) Y. The theme to be discussed was on Motives. Why do we do the things that we do? To what point and purpose? For whose pleasure? Or are we just going about our lives aimlessly…without a motive?

We were discussing it over dinner. It was quite literally, food for thought. Lol.

Of course, the subject of Doomsday was inevitably brought up. I was scared stiff (as usual) but then I relaxed. Why should I be scared? I have done nothing wrong…not really, anyway. It was just the usual stuff like gossiping, skipping prayers (sometimes), not covering up enough, etc. But…small and insignificant as they may be, they’re still wrong in the eyes of God, right? Sigh. That’s the problem. I don’t suppose the magnitude of your errors really matter; the fact that you have erred in the first place is what counts. An error will always be an error; no amount of penance can change that. You’ll just have to hope that you will be forgiven in the eyes of God. From what I have read, He is the Most Merciful and the Most Beneficent.

I pray every day in the hopes that my sins (as well as those of my loved ones) will be forgiven. I am trying my best to perform all my prayers on time. I believe that it is time for me to change…for the better:) May God bless all of us.

Love,

R (The Tooth Fairy)

Of wax, wires and gypsum

I went into town yesterday with the intention of getting a new set of retainers done. However, the student dentist in charge of me wasn’t in, and neither was the dentist, actually. Haha. So I just ended up chatting with another one of the student dentists (she was a 4th-year student) about the trials and tribulations of being a dentistry student. She was telling me about the tons of tooth extractions, amalgam fillings, endodontic and other dental treatments she had to do before she could graduate next year.

Which set me thinking: “Will I really be able to do that in future?” Even now, I have problems carving tooth models from wax. And that’s just wax. A stupid, unfeeling, inanimate block of wax. How will I ever be able to extract a tooth(that’s just ONE of the many, many, MANY things I’d have to do) from an actual living and breathing human being? Will I be able to do it without them feeling any pain? Or would I end up causing them so much pain and trauma that they’d never want to see my face again? Oh God, please don’t let that happen! 

Last Friday, we were learning how to make blocks of gypsum. We had to make sure that there were no air bubbles present in the blocks. But that’s difficult, you see. We had to leave the blocks for about 15 minutes before we could even check for the presence of air bubbles. And if those darned bubbles were present, we had to re-do the entire process (weighing the plaster, measuring the amount of water needed, mixing fast enough and then placing it in the vibrator). Sigh. How tedious.

The week before that, we were learning wire manipulation. We were each given some 0.7mm stainless steel wire and asked to shape the wire according to some patterns as instructed. Gawd. It was so HARD! And I mean literally, because bending the wires caused bruises to my (and our) fingers. However, I found that I had a knack for wire manipulation because I found out relatively quickly that there were certain techniques involved in using the pliers given to us. Haha. Maybe I have a future in orthodontics..? Maybe. Hopefully. I know I would like that. It was what spurred me to do dentistry in the first place. Here’s a bit of background info about me: I wore braces for 5 YEARS, so yeah. Go figure.

I’m just mid-way through my second semester now…and I realize that I still have a long way to go (9 more semesters). I hope that that’s more than enough time to master all the skills required. Sigh.

Wish me luck, yeah!

Love,

R (The Tooth Fairy)

that's me, but I'm a little cuter than that

“you know I’m only here tonight because of you”

It’s now 6 March 2010. It’s my dad’s birthday. I thought I’d stay up until 12 midnight so that I might webcam with my parents while they cut a cake for my dad…but I guess that plan didn’t  materialize because they went out at 11.58 p.m. And also my dad didn’t want to get a birthday cake because I wasn’t there. Awww. Haha.

I suppose I’m sad about it. It’s not the first time I had ever missed a family member’s birthday. I remember I missed my sister’s birthday once a few years ago and more recently, my brother’s birthday…maybe 2 years back. I can’t recall correctly. Both times was because I was away at camp. However, this time it feels much worse because I know I’m not going to see my dad in person for at least 3-4 months to come.

I hate the feeling of being so far away from my family. I just feel like… I’m missing out on stuff. I know we webcam every single day…but it’s just not the same, is it? Every time I have to end the call, I just feel so terrible. I wish we could keep talking till the next morning but I feel terribly guilty when I see my mum looking so tired and sleepy. I know she’s been sleeping late every night because of me. It doesn’t matter that I’m sleeping late as well… because I don’t care anymore. I used to be very particular about my sleeping times but like I said, that must have changed at some point. It might be due to excessive exposure to my roomie. She’s a REAL night owl. Lol.

It doesn’t stop there. Oh no, life gets duller. Friday and Saturday nights are the worst. I just sit around in my room watching movies. Funny. I never used to do stuff like that when I was home. I always had a million and one things to do. And there was never enough time to surf the net. Every few mintes my mum would call me to help her with something or other. I used to get kind of  irritated by that constant interruption… but I sorta miss that now. Now, though, I can sit around and surf the Net until I actually get tired of doing it (GASP). I never realized it before, but apparently there really is a limit as to what one can do on the Internet (my roomie doesn’t believe that, though.)

Anyway, back to my dad’s birthday. After they left, I did what I always do on weeknights. I watched a movie. It was called “A Beautiful Mind” and truly, it was a beautiful story. It was based on the life of John Forbes Nash, Jr. He was a Nobel Laureate in Economics. It didn’t help that I was already feeling down from homesickness (as usual), I HAD to watch a sad movie as well. Well, it wasn’t exactly SAD per se, it was more touching than anything. It was about how much a wife loved and believed in her husband despite the fact that he was mentally ill. I just loved Russell Crowe’s beautiful blue eyes in the movie. He looked so adorably sad and lost in the movie. Haha.

Here’s a phrase that I loved from the movie, “you know I’m only here tonight because of you.” This is when he is receiving his Nobel Prize, and he turns around and thanks his wife for being there with him through thick or thin. Aaah…I loved that scene It was so sweet and romantic. Haha. Nevermind the fact that both husband and wife were old and wrinkled by that time.

I’d give it 3.5 stars out of 5:)

                 

Love,

R (The Tooth Fairy)

that's me:) but I'm a little cuter than that.

Homesick:(

I know plenty of people all over leave their homes in pursuit of a (good) university degree. When my dad first brought up the idea of me studying in an overseas university, I was okay with it. I was all like, “Hey, why not? Since the odds of me actually getting the chance to do the course I desired were practically zilch, anyway.” And besides, I was just itching to leave home at the time…I felt that I was just wasting my time by sitting around and doing housework at home.

I also had a temporary job at the time…which I absolutely HATED. Gosh. I still shudder thinking about that icky desk-bound admin job. And all the disgusting foreign workers there who stared at females as if it was the first time in their pathetic lives that they ever got the chance to get up-close-and-personal with us girls. Gross!  Anyway, I stopped working about 5 months later because I needed to make preparations to leave. (Thank God for that)

I guess I never thought about how homesick I’d be… it’s just that I had been staying with my parents and siblings my whole life. I never considered, not even ONCE, leaving them. And now, as much as I hate to say it, I may be regretting my choice. Because this university is not at all what I imagined it to be. I am truly disappointed with this place. But I really DON”T wish to be regretting it! One thing my dad always tells me, and that is to be happy with my choices in Life. There is no room for regret. And I agree. Wholeheartedly, even! Still…sigh. I have no control over my feelings sometimes. I fear that there is a severe communication breakdown between my brain and my heart sometimes…lol.

Even so, if my parents asked me to come back home right now and just leave this stupid place, would I do it? Could I do it? Of course I’d LOVE to…but the answer is no. No, I cannot do it. My parents have invested way too much into this; what kind of heartless creature would I be if I chose to go back to them now? How would I ever be able to face them?

It’s difficult, I’d say that much. But it’s definitely not impossible (I hope). So many people before me have done it, why can’t I? I daresay that I am twice as hardworking as them. The one thing I have going for me here is religion. The one (and only) positive outcome of my move here is that I feel that I have become closer to God. It’s true, then, what people say about God being the one constant thing in your life. I’m glad for that:) I pray to God every single day…pray that my time here will pass by in a big fat blur so that I can be back home with my family in no time at all.

Truly, home is where the heart belongs. And my heart lies with my family:)

Love,

R (the Tooth Fairy)